Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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