i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
