i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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