Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Randomize
