We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
