I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i think i just lost a toe
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
