This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
