I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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