I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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