haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
