Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
