chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The air was thick with penises
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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