When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
