Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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