I'm laying in your front yard are you home
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
