So drunk, too bad you don't want this
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
