So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
