I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize