Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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