so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
