NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
