he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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