im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
