Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
