i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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