all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
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