Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
