My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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