the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
