garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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