wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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