1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Quick, to the slutcave!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
