btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
