You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
