ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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