I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
