if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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