dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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