Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
A+ Viking dick
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
