Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I want her autograph on my taint
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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