Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
