and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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