Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize