I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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