Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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