3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
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You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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