So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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