i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
