You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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