Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
