Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
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i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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