That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
