I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
