I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
