can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
