4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
