she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I want her autograph on my taint
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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