When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
