She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
