the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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