fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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