They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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