The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Acid is not a monday night drug
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
