I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We had sex on a dog bed..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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