I wish I could teleport
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You are the jesus of drinking
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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