u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
