i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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