you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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