oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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