Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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