I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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