yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
