I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
