I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
