I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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