Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
